On the Orange in my hand there is written: Saksa Laine-kirjasulg

I leave this title in Estonian as a good example of the state of confusion, as I have just arrived in Germany from Estonia and having settled again in German everydaylife. When I arrived in my blockhouse, was opening the door downstairs and having noticed that somebody at the same time the door was opening, I said to them at the time of thanking and saying hello, "Tere"- in my thoughts I was still in Estonia.

I woke up today having a feeling that this day is a good new beginning. Of course every day is a new little beginning, but this day especially good. So today was started with yoga and meditation and ended with blogging and hearing German language (more specific "Deutsche Welle" ehk "Saksa laine"). It gives me a sort of comfort feeling and knowledge of development and insurance, that I can concentrate and open my life to new daily routines.

When I would start talking about all the other new routines- minutly be-happy attitude, daily thankfullness(analysis), monthly money calculations, weekly German lessons and walks, fortnightly new habbits like jonglen. So more can I at the moment even think of. All the other acticities I do for myself, I guess would be for that to make sure I keep those mentioned. And what to think of this bunch of ideas? That to make sure the ideas that are shared, are kept and remembered. Having maken sure for myself, that having already a system, can everyone in this plan many many spontan ideas add. And if after this letter I really manage to write every day here, would be a creat achivement and a basis for all other ideas.

I love fascination, questions and paralels. It make life go in the right way. Or lets us think that lifes goes in the right way. I was sharing time with my cousin´s daughters and one dialog, what I loved:
- "Why do the little ones always cry and scream?"
- "The always have a reason, and it is a very big one, for them.And even when it is something of a reason like "the oranges are orange" they still have it."

The sequens of similar occasions in life are fascinating. The parallels, similarities that can be drawn from day to day. That is the only reason why I want to grow old. The fact how I could think out (like one of the persons I admire) why I have I had such friends like I have had and why have i had similar problems that repeat form time to time, why have I had certain illnesses.
Now about the oranges. One of my favourite books was "Organge girl" for a while only because of the first picture. Now just because I remembered how good it was, suddenly having seen it in the hands of one friend of mine. I liked the fact that somebody having a hard time would buy a basket of oranges. I love one frined of mine who on our travels would go to simple bars where they have put out oranges to show that they make fresh juice, would buy there one. Even more I love thouse baarkeepers who would give this girl the orange for free and say something nice. The theapic procedure of peeling an orange and the nice smile of my friend who has seen, that I have a given her a orange in the hand that has a smile.

The questions of the day: what makes me fascinated, would I like to grow old, what there was a one day cap- no tomorrow, but all the 364 days after it.

How do you feel?

I do not like narcissism, but I must admit I like the result of this blog.
The most interesting thing with blogs is connected with the fact that it is a reflection of yourself that you design yourself.
I just an hour ago read Hamlet and there he fronted his dead father. After that situation he saw what a fool he had been, what meaningless things had done and meaningless worries! He promised to change his way of living from that instant! I think during those two-three years before I abandon this nest, I will see the times when I say, how can I have lived like this? Of course life for the past months I have been active or non-active, even passive blog-writer, I have seen development and change in my, but this is more gradually and step-by-step like a perpetual mobile. I think this is a bit better way, more stable and less nerve- racking( literary speaking: to take myself apart and to build myself up again and again) But I will see how it is going to be in the future.
I just today understood that reflection , a method of developing, as it is, can be done in various stages. First in ones´s mind the observations of my actions and behaviour. Secondly the written part, as can be seen here or done in a table(knowledge, skill, attitude). Thirdly the reflection can occur in a conversation or in a judgement or comment of a teacher(the most direct one). To assess your own development or to lead your achievements to a specific goal in is necessary to take into account the changes in you thinking and the material mastered. So time to time, to be honest every second, but not to scare myself, starting bit-by-bit, ask myself how do I feel?
For example here I realized that my sentenced are too long. I know I have till now put one thought into one sentence, but I should but one thought into one paragraph.
That was a part of my self-analyses, connected with blog-writing pros. I guess I will come to the point what are the cons, because yet I do not know them.
I now feel that blog has become almost an habit, almost like an addiction. A famous and scandalous film-writer (film is Magnus, interesting film, Estonian, but interesting) said that you do not have to try to drop anything, smoking, drinking alcohol. You just have to come to the point when you do not need it (to have an alternative as Arne Laur said) and to start studying well let the habit of studying come to you, let yourself to become the addict of it. Yeah, he knew about the addictions, as some other art-related people.

I just realized that it is so much easier to spend an hour doing something than each day five minutes. But is it really important for me to force myself into the routine of five-minute obligations-pleasures. Yes. I know it myself. Not to create a snow-ball-effect i9n my life. I know.
You just experienced an inner monologue in my head. Saying it out loud, makes me realize more seriousness of the meaning, Of the true feeling'.
It is scary how similar words are monologue and monomaan=monomanic, yes the mono prefix, of course, but something else also.